


Instructions Not Included by Blax Bottlerocket

by ausmac



Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: Gen, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 14:46:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9128644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ausmac/pseuds/ausmac
Summary: A little New Years eve crackfick that sort of came to me on Discord....





	

I was on my daily route through the streets of Orgrimmar, as is my want, when I sees the unmistakable sight of the biggest fathead...that is Orc...in the city, the estimable Warchief, Garrosh Hellscream.  He's heading my way, not with any sorta intent, just ambling along, and I nodded politely to him in passin'.

"Gday Warchief" I said, bobbing me head and he grunted, which I notice orcs do a lot, and glanced down at my wagon.  Then he stopped in front of me and took another look. 

Well, a potential deal is a deal and I turned on my sales face.  "I've got some great items with me at the moment, Warchief.  I’ve got a special on wind-up toy gnomes, great fun for the kiddies..."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
Well, you can't argue with that.  "Shutting up."  
  
"What is this thing?" he asked, poking a big finger at an item I'd dumped on the tray over in one corner.  I'd forgotten about it and shuffled a bit awkwardly.  
  
"Well, you have an eye for the unusual, I can see that.  Its a H.A.T.E."  
  
"A hate what?"  
  
"Na, na, a H.A.T.E.  A Heat Activated Toy Enema."  
  
Those yellow eyes narrowed in a sort-of 'what the hell" look.  "And that is...a toy?"

I chuckled in a goblin-of-the-world way.  "An adult toy, yeah.  Some people find it fun, if yer get what I mean."

"No.  I don’t."  
  
Sheesh, I mean, I know orcs were a bit behind in the creative sex area, but wow, who didn’t know what a H.A.T.E. was!  "Thing is, you plant it in..well, the obvious spot, and it gets warm and then...flushes ya full of this fizzy stuff, bit like sherbet, but not."  
  
That made him take a pause.  "And some people find that...fun?"

"Can be, let me tell ya.  Apparently - so I'm told - it reaches everywhere, and I do mean **everywhere**.  Look, I got this one left over from a failed purchase, damned crook didn't come to collect it when I ordered it in special.  I'm prepared to give it away, absolutely throw it out, for the measly price of one hundred gold coins!"

"Ten."

"Ten!  Warchief, I got a family to support, do you want my tiny kiddies to starve?"

"Think of it as a donation to the good of the Horde."  And he smiled, showing way too many sharp teeth for my liking. 

"Fine, take it.  But make sure you read..." But he grabbed it and headed off without a backwards look.  Well, I hoped he read the instructions - I mean, my cousin did design that thing to clean out zeppelin pressure tubes, as I recall.  Goblin technology, always so adaptable.  But the day turned out mostly fine, since I managed to offload a set of fluffy fake gorilla mittens to some Pandaren clown not long after.

Though I think I heard shouting and an enraged orc shrieking my name at some point that day, and I thought, well, time to visit the relatives in Bounty Bay for a spell.  Thing to always remember is, read the instructions.  And don't go cheating a goblin out of his hard earned profit...."

 


End file.
